Initially published in 2015, this message was given to me in 2014 as a reminder from my team of guidance about the need for a connection with nature to stay grounded and in my body. I had been going through an intense, prolonged, spiritual dark night of the soul (or ego) after my oldest son died in 2007.
2014 was an entire year of moving out a ton of old patterning and dense emotion from other timelines. I'm sure many of you can relate now. However, very few then discussed having to move intense and heavy emotional energy -- particularly from other times. It was the most extreme emotional and spiritual thing I've ever done and was both challenging and physically taxing. I was stripped of much, including any sense of fixed or static identity. I would sometimes lie on my back in the grass to feel hugs and cradling from Mother Earth as my body, mind, and spirit were being re-wired for new times to come. This was all while I experienced what felt like attack energy coming toward me from other humans and non-humans. I'd always been a light, happy, joyful person. However, at that time, there was only one person I could share the stories with who wouldn't lend judgment, dismissal, or disrespect. No one seemed to take me seriously. I had done something rash during the old trauma arising. Therefore, I gave them a reason to judge. However, they had no experience with, or idea about, what was happening to and through me. Sadly, no one who had been close to me for a long time asked -- even if there was a noticeable decrease in my energy and sometimes in my voice. [Much of the old energy was moving out of my throat.] However, several people made sure to tell me that I was becoming too thin. ;-) Getting my ego away from the driver's seat and into the passenger's seat was a bit of a battle. I often felt isolated and confused. On the human level, I sacrificed a great deal for that inner peace. Even more difficult change would come later when my youngest son also died. It was almost as if these deaths were bookends of this long 13-year change and transformation -- moving me more into a conscious union with my authentic being. Life in transition and transformation can be difficult, but mostly when we resist the process or struggle to get out of the cocoon too early. I am grateful for the journey. I know it brought more long-term peace and freedom from many things that had been harmful to me over time. [I am not referring to my children.]
In retrospect, I recommend listening within and going outside!
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Oh... my wings are so heavy
sometimes, she says.
I don't know what to do.
I want to fly... to soar...
I want to show you that you can, too,
but my wings make it difficult if I stay inside too often.
Some days, I want to give up flight,
to curl up on the floor in the fetal position ...
Yet, when I get outside, in nature,
my mood changes.
My wings become light, and
life becomes lovely again.
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My friend, Flower of Life,
helps me to remember the sacredness in all living things,
especially when I can't get outside to see the pattern myself.
He's always telling me to "lighten up".
I try to tell him that my wings aren't heavy outside.
Only when I feel trapped inside this box-like structure that these humans live in -- but he doesn't understand.
There isn't any way to compare our experiences. We are both so unique -- just like the humans. We always talk about how they are like individual snowflakes... that no two are the same -- they are all so beautiful... they can't see it in themselves or the others.
Go outside more -- so your wings don't feel so heavy
and you can recharge your sacred pattern.
Please see yourself as the unique & divine being you are.
We love you!